Jul
Surviving Life After Death
What do you do on the anniversary of the worst day of your life? As the day comes to a close, looks like the answer is: go to work, pick up some flowers, some Smirnoff Blueberry Lemonade, cheese and crackers, borrow a lawn chair and meet my cousins at the cemetery. One year ago today, my sister died of a brain tumor.
It wasn’t the way I pictured the day, but turns out, it was the right way to mark the day. One of the last “healthy” days I spent with my sister was at a BBQ at my house where we ate, had drinks, talked and laughed well into the night. She was a social butterfly who loved to tell stories, reminisce, and most of all laugh. So what better way to pay tribute to her than to get together with the three cousins who were like our other sisters and set up camp at her grave site?
I know this will seem really strange to a lot of people, but for the four of us, it seemed as natural as breathing. I’m sure if anyone drove by us, we would get some strange looks, but also some smiles.
There is no one way to get over the death of someone you love. I am changed forever, my family is changed forever, and the world is changed forever. Some days are easier than others, but I now know that death is not something you ever get over. It’s an earth-shattering grief you somehow learn to manage as the days go on. I was told that as time goes by, the painful memories will slowly be replaced with special memories I shared with my sister, and that has turned out to be true.
While tears were shed today as I was reminded of this great loss in my life, I was also reminded of the many years I had with her and how much I loved her. And lucky us, that she left behind a beautiful daughter who is as determined, loving, and special as her mother.
Love you always Ruthie! You will never be forgotten! And your laugh…always your laugh!
Pebbles I agree with you. Having lost 6 people throughout the four years I was in high school, I could never think about my loss. It was hard but I always tried to think about the good memories. I lost my great uncle and grandfather freshman year, my dad’s cancer came back sophomore year, he died my junior year along with my great aunt, and then just when we thought no one else would due my uncle died right before I started my senior year. Then towards the end of the year we had to put my dog down, which killed me because I had had him since I was 4 yrs old. I hope that your sister rests peacefully and that you always keep the good memories in your heart and don’t always think about the negative memories. BTW I just graduated high school almost two months ago, so all of my pain is still fresh.
Your post brought a smile to my face, Pebbles. When my grandmother passed away a few years ago, my cousins and I got together after the funeral, lit a bonfire, got out the guitar, and sang songs together. Many people thought we were being disrespectful by having such a “fun” time, but we were truly honoring our grandmother who sang to us all throughout out childhoods. I don’t anybody should ever judge another in their choice of mourning, we know the people we lost best, and nobody else’s opinion matters. May your sister rest in peace!