Mar
Why can’t girls get along?
I came across an article this morning about how “mean girl” behavior isn’t just in high school…it starts a lot earlier. As I was reading it, so many emotions came to the surface: anger, frustration, disgust, disappointment, and most of all sadness. I can’t tell you how many times I hear women and girls say, “I don’t get along with other girls. I like guys better.” Really? What does that say to the women who think they are your friends, and if you think you can get through life without girlfriends, think again!
I truly believe that the genuine friendships and bonds you build with other women, are some of the most valuable relationships you will ever develop in your lifetime. While I do believe that women can have great friendships with men, I don’t think they replace the friendships of other women. Female friends offer a bond of understanding that I believe you can only get from other females. It’s a fact that there are things that men (even gay male friends) will never understand about women, no matter how much they try. I don’t want to negate the value of male friends because I have quite a few of them myself, but when I need someone to relate to my irrational self-hatred because I can no longer fit into my jeans, only a woman is going to understand that pain! My guy friends who would say, “Well do something about it…get on the treadmill” are only going to piss me off and send me head-first into a pint of Caramel Cone Haagen-Dazs . You call it enabling…I call it true friendship.
Men and women are just different. That’s no surprise, and until women realize that they need other women in their lives, they’re going to be miserable. Why? Because there are certain things men will never “get” about women. I don’t expect them to, and I don’t hold it against them. Here are just a few examples of things men will never understand about women:
* Fat clothes
* Bad hair days
* There’s no such thing as too many shoes
* Crying for no apparent reason
* Needing to talk about the relationship
* Chick Flicks
* Why it takes all day to shop for one thing
These are just a few things we need other women for. In addition, to the silly things listed, it’s our girlfriends that get us through the really tough times in life. One of my favorite lines from the final episode of the Sex in the City series is when Big says to Carrie’s friends, “You three know her better than anyone. You’re the loves of her life and a guy’s just lucky to come in fourth. ” Big knew and recognized what I really wish more women would, we need each other.
I’m sure some guys reading this will think that this is a diss on them, and it’s not meant to be. I just want women to start appreciating what we have in each other. If you have issues with ALL women, maybe it’s time you look in the mirror and find out why? And don’t tell me that other women are just jealous of you, because that right there may be your problem. You could be sending out the vibe that everyone’s jealous of you and not even realize it.
Little girls are watching us. The article I talked about at the beginning said that girls as young as four and five are exhibiting “mean girl” behavior, and it’s up to us to show them that girls CAN get along! Little girls need to see healthy, loving friendships between women, and not just on TV, but in their daily lives. So if you have little sisters, cousins, or daughters of your own, know that they’re watching you. And speaking of TV…you might want to watch Gossip Girl (which I love, by the way), The Bad Girls Club, or even The Real Housewives, out of the sight of girls. We may think it’s no big deal, but my guess is that it’s a huge deal.
All I’m asking is that you think about it ladies. As I told my goddaughter once when she was going through “girl issues,” you don’t have to have a huge group of girlfriends. Having one or two TRUE girlfriends are worth their weight in gold.
Just my humble opinion…Pebbles
What about you? How are your female friendships? Are they important to you, or do you say that you get along better with guys? I would love to hear from you! Please leave a comment!
Thanks for reading!
Hi Pebbles,
Love your post! You make some excellent points here…females and male friendships are no doubt different. I like what you told your goddaughter…”you don’t have to have a huge group of girlfriends. Having one or two TRUE girlfriends are worth their weight in gold.” I agree, I have lost alot of girlfriends probably due to the fact that I had too many to begin with. Trust issues arise which sometimes lead to “she say” etc, then your no longer friends. So keeping it to a minimum like you said and having no more then TWO close friends should be enough. Because bottom line in my opinion, girls can def be MEAN! I have experienced this hands on. I haven’t had too many male friends to confide in, but men tend to be different, well I would hope that’s the case
but you never know! With that said, I agree that having too many girlfriends may or may not lead towards trouble because women who have 10+ close girlfriends stay friends for yrs. We just have to trust and also be careful who we let in as a girlfriend!
Hi Pebbles!
I have found that when I have become closer with my guy friends, 9 times out of 10 they try to take it a step further and bring something sexual into the equation. That’s not the kind of friendship I need. Not to say that men don’t make good friends, that has just been my personal experience. I agree that nothing can replace your girlfriends. They get me, they understand & there are just certain things a man can’t relate to that my girls can. I think a lot of women have, sadly, taken to treating other women as competition instead of human beings. We’re quick to tear each other apart instead of lift each other up. There’s a serious lack of understanding & unity. God Bless, Pebbs. xo
Pebble – you’re the best, beautifully written and so true.
Sad to say, but I’ve worked in daycare for a smidge over 10 years and i’ve DEFINATELY seen “mean girl” behavior is a lot of pre-school girls (more so with the older pre-schoolers ages 4-5)! They are cruel and intentaionally hurtful to their friends. They try to tear down another’s self-esteem just because. And in talking to many of my collegues across the filed, this is a common thing. So, yes, it definately starts young.
I’m with you on the “a few good friends” thing. I’ve never had more than two close females friends at a time. I have a large group of friends that I habg out with regularly and talk to, but only one or two are close confidants and are let into my personal, personal life.
Hi Pebbles,
I totally agree with you. I have never been one to have a lot of girl friends and i feel like male “friends” always want something more. I have found that as I got older that I didn’t need a bunch of friends whether male or female. I find that having the few really good friends in my life who will tell me like it is when I need to hear it, and to understand all of the frustrations that come with being a woman without judgement.
I have been blessed with 3 girls and I try to teach them everyday (in between the fighting) that good friends are hard to find you don’t need to worry being popular or the best dressed or any of that. I have 2 true-blue girlfriends from back in the day one from elementary and one from middle school and I would not trade them for the world!!! Yeah its ok to socialize but you have to know in your heart who your real friends are…..and if they feel like a sister thats a plus. Its so important to teach self-esteem from an early age so many girls have little to none. I once had this little teenager try to talk about what I was wearing while on the T. I think she thought I was younger I just ignored her but was surprised at how much that hurt I thought i got over those days long ago. Its a shame that we don’t have much love for ourselves and therefore have to tear others down right along with us.
I love having girlfriends! I couldn’t live without them. But, I also think it’s very important to have guy friends also, sometimes you need that raw reality check that close guy friends will give you. Guy friends are also really good at making you feel good about yourself. If you are having a “down in the dumps” day, I suggest talking to a friend who is a man, they usually cheer me up everytime! Even if they are lying, their comments make you feel self assured about yourself. So, in conclusion, it’s good to keep both sex’s close by!